My personal and professional experience shows that depression and anxiety are conjoined twins that typically feed off each other.  While there are a number of factors involved, I want to stress:  “Depression is NOT a character flaw!"  And it is treatable through a variety of approaches.  Since the brain is underfunctioning in depression , one naturally becomes anxious at not being able to manage things, and the cycle continues.

Other factors enter into both depression and anxiety.  Frequently, we find that leftover experiences from childhood that were traumatic for a young mind are at the base of these conditions.  Such experiences prompt an immature reasoning system to create a negative belief that plays out over and over until intervention and healing occurs.  Example:  “I’m not good enough.”  Using EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization & Reprocessing) addresses these beliefs very effectively and in a fairly short therapeutic time frame.

Most people presume that trauma and resulting PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) is about war experiences and veterans; car accidents, and sudden death of a loved one are also Big "T's".  Those Big “T’s” are very impactful.  Our profession has learned that many “Little T’s” result in the same physiological, mental and emotional impact.  “Little T’s” can be from difficult childhoods where we were subjected to seeing or hearing violence and abuse – and that includes verbal abuse directed at the child.  An immature reasoning system has no protection against taking the experiences personally.  Beliefs about ourselves are anchored in these experiences and lead to a great deal of misery and unhappiness.  “I am a bad person.”   Frightening experiences leave one with living in a state of hyper-vigilance and fear of more events.  However, this does not need to be a “life sentence,” and healing can and does happen with appropriate therapy.   (See information on EMDR @ www.emdria.org.)

Every moment of our lives is impacted in some way by relationships – either current or past. Learning how to manage them in a healthy manner takes courage, improved communication techniques, and patience.  At the same time, when we address the relationship we have with ourselves, the other relationships “mysteriously” improve!  Then we can be partners with another, rather than being in a victim mode or having an unfulfilled neediness.  When we learn what our needs are, learn how to articulate them accurately and effectively, most people can work out the relationships on their own. Remember, too, that relationships are always evolving and reinventing themselves.  Plan to learn and  keep good communication channels working.

It happens!  Bringing with it personal, self-image issues; an aging parent to care for; fears of retirement and not being useful.  Then there are health concerns to deal with.  Perhaps there is disappointment at not meeting an intended life goal.  I feel that building a healthy self-esteem is the best defense against being taken over by these stressors.  In addition to my own status, I have worked on the “Senior Team” at Larimer Center for Mental Health from 2000-2005, and have experience in assisting with these issues.

Yes, it happens . . .it is imperative to keep in mind the person in the experience!

Life can hand us some really nasty experiences.  And our societal rules ask that we behave as though nothing has happened – and do so “immediately”.  These are all new experiences and we have no way of knowing just “how” we’re supposed to manage them.  Remember that grief is not a logical, rational process – it is an emotional process.    And grief happens – in some degree – to any life change. A significant part of the process is to find the kind of support that allows for the emotional “adaptation” of the change.  We do not need “to accept it” – Webster states that to accept is "to take on willingly."  No one willingly takes on some of these events.  With the proper support, education, and normalization we human beings are able to “reconcile” ourselves to what’s happened.  Reconcile: “to restore to friendship or harmony.” 

Grief processing takes what it takes – different for each individual and their “event.”  Patience with self is vital.

With each life change – even for good  -  there is a corresponding loss.  And not all changes are good.  Many of the elements of change take similar processes to those in grief from a death loss in order to adapt to the new situation.  Life is about change, and life is about feelings. Common feelings around change: fear; insecurity; anger; loss of comfort; unanticipated change in future plans.  Managing the feelings in a healthy manner is key to making an adjustment,  and re-establishing comfort in our lives.

Sometimes we can get mired down in an experience to the degree we are unable to see options, or simply other ways of looking at an experience.  Connecting with an objective supporter or mental health professional is advised.